28 April 2011

Guilt and Glimpses

I have to admit that I haven't been in the mood to post lately.  Have you noticed ;) and do you ever get in such moods?  But when I don't post anything for several days my family starts to worry, well my mom at least.  So I'm posting to tell everyone we're doing swell.  We were whisked away to celebrate His life over the weekend to Jekyll Island where we have somehow started a tradition of going there over the Easter weekend.

Jekyll Island 2009
I had a glimpse, though, while we were gone and while I looked through year's past photos.

Jekyll Island 2010
Ever get those glimpses?  Of course you do.  We all do.
Jekyll Island 2011
It's almost like standing with your nose touching a Seurat and thinking wow, that must have taken forever to do all those dots!  Who would ever take the time to do all those?
Clover 2009
And then you decide to take a few steps back and behold the masterpiece, in progress or completed, and in a museum.

Clover 2010
Clover 2011
It usually happens when the baby dills are sleeping and the house is quiet enough to hear the fridge making the oddest creaking noises. 
But this time the glimpse of the masterpiece came with the activity of day and noise of 5 little girls who were thrilled to be riding bikes all together as a family for the first time.
I saw Divine in the front, leading the dill pack, ever urging us to go faster and to get going when we stopped to collect bamboo for Olive's class, or to gaze at the horses trotting by.
That's when I realized we've had her for 1/2 the amount of time that we most likely will [did that make sense?]  Have I added enough dots and in the right shades?  I panickingly [no, that's not really a word] ask myself.
These baby dills keep us laughing with their scenarios...
The diaper stage seems to be slowly coming to an end with Clover who requests the toilet on occasion, and with that comes relief and sadness.
...this one where they were hiding in the hollow of a great tree in the middle of a thunderstorm.
Have we taught them what they need to know? 
Will they remember the times we laughed [over and over] at their silly jokes and bought the everything-artificial-chocolate-things for their lunch because we wanted them to know we listen to their desires, even if we don't always act?
Our reservations somehow got mixed up, so they gave us our very own dining room at the hotel
I keep adding those little dots, sometimes with less than a cheerful heart, but having the glimpse of this masterpiece I am creating gives me the stimulus that I need to know each dot counts.
It reminds me to take time to nibble on these cheeks more than she likes, to give in more than I do, and to just take a little more time choosing my palette and hues when making those dots.

38 comments:

  1. oh gosh, don't feel guilty about not posting! It's good for the soul to take breaks. :)

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  2. My favorite kind of post-loads of gorgeous photos of your amazing children and thoughts on life/motherhood. I have missed these posts from you. I love the photo with a finger in Clover's ear. Also--I love the year after year comparisons. What a doll of a family. Makes me wish I had five kids!

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  3. Please don't feel guilty. It's part of the ebb and flow of life. Just do what you need to do...and love those baby Dills.

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  4. You are right--we probably all have felt not in the mood to post. And those times are actually when I'm enjoying my family the most!

    Beautiful post, beautiful pictures. Thanks for sharing!

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  5. Such a wonderfully beautiful post! Thank you for the reminder to enjoy every moment!

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  6. I love reading your reflective posts. You do a lovely job of striking a balance between the personal and the universal. You are a wonderful writer and photographer.

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  7. This post made me cry. It's beautiful. Thanks for sharing.

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  8. I think it's part of motherhood....I don't see the day to day "growing up" until something hits me in the face. And then I reflect...and get a bit teary about all the "growing ups" that have happened.

    Such a good reminder. Thanks.

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  9. I have quietly been following your blog for quite sometime, but this post just resonated with me. I wanted to say thank you. It was a beautiful reminder to step back - to reflect. And to step up - and make every dot count.

    Thanks again.

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  10. This is so beautiful, Katy. Times flies by so quickly, doesn't it? We take it for granted so much of the time. Then we look back and wonder how we got to where we are. It's a miracle, really, that our children grow and mature the way that they do, sometimes despite our best efforts.

    Oh, and the toilet thing? My youngest is at the same stage and I feel the same way... some relief, but some sadness too. Always such a conflict of emotions. (Big sigh)

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  11. What a wonderful post. Lovely photos too. I think a tradition like that is great. I want to find a place for Fourth of July. It is our eldest son's birthday, and I really want to avoid him getting 2 parties each year. I think that by being away, we can make it a family only thing.

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  12. Oh how I needed this encouragement this week. Thank you.

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  13. Your girls are so beautiful! Glad you had a fun time at Easter. Take lots of blogging breaks and enjoy life- the good things seem to go so quickly.

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  14. Gosh, I just look at those girls and my heart feels your love for them. I feel the same when looking at my five. It's heartbreaking to watch them grow up, even though you enjoy every minute...

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  15. I love the picture of Azure and her "tired" arms. Hee hee!

    Beautiful family!

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  16. I love your blog. It truly is my very, very favorite. Even if you went months between posting, I would love it. You inspire me to be a better me. Thank you.

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  17. What a beautiful post. It brought tears to my eyes! I have 5 kiddos as well. My oldest is 11. I have these same thoughts and feeling so often. Your children are beautiful and I am sure your they will be your masterpiece in life. :)

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  18. Glad you take blog breaks.
    You come back fresher!

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  19. I'm with Jessica. These are my favorite posts. When you laid it out like that (with Divine being 1/2 the age of when she'll probably leave home) it really floored me. Time is such a wild thing, yet so tame, too. What a FUN Easter tradition! How can you ever move to far from Jekyll Island?

    It also made me want five children. They are so beautiful.

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  20. First of all living where you do this time of the year not sure I would ever post! I have to tell you that you hit a soft spot with me. My 20 year old son is moving out this weekend. And I find myself thinking did I teach him all that I needed to... does he realize you have to clean the dishes really well before you use them and that you may have to go without a few things at first and that no one is going to take care of you better than you. My husband is in his room right now watching tv, probably the last time. (wiping tears) Time has passed much too quickly, and yet there were days and times I could not wait until he would grow up. We have raised 4 children in this home and down to our last one at home... and then there were just 3. I never thought this day would get here and when it did I thought I would be so happy. Don't get me wrong I realize from the day my children are born it is my duty to help them grow into independent adults, it's just that there are some things I am never going to experience again and as I age that is hard to think about. Anyway, thanks for your post, a beautiful way of putting it!

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  21. My precious family! Oh how I love these blogs and Katy, your break was well deserved, and this blog is beautiful. Thank you for finding the time to post.

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  22. breaks are good...we all need them. i just recently found your sweet blog and i must need to go look at some older post because i did not realize you had five kids...FIVE! wowza, girl...you are super woman! thanks for coming back to your blog and blessing us with some goodness :)

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  23. oh...yep. right there on your sidebar...5 girls :)

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  24. I must admit...I do worry as well. Is everyone healthy? Any emergencies? It's not a weekend, they couldn't have gone anywhere!?! But, you are a very balanced person and I so admire that about you. Love the Easter getaway!

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  25. I don't have the correct english vocabulary to say how much this post is beautiful. It brought tears to my eyes. as often when you talk about your kids and motherhood ;-)

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  26. Thank you so much for this. This morning (it's just after 6 my time) I woke up and before the kids get up I was doing a quick blog-check and started feeling that heavy weight of not feeling like I am enough (house not cute enough, not clean enough, food not original enough, etc...) you know, those non-helpful thoughts that sometimes take a few days to work through before you realize that the thoughts are worthwhile, probably not true, and irrelevant anyways. ANyways, my point is that I read your post, first skimming, then carefully, and you made me stop and realize how important the work that I am doing is, and of all the things that I'm doing right (or that I should stop right now and keep doing right) because, really? The sewing, the housework, the food, all are important, but more importantly, I'm working on a masterpiece. And it doesn't matter how awesome the home decorating blogs are, how gourmet the food blogs are, how creative the DIY blogs are, how amazingly talented the clothing blogs are. I can do a little of all of the above, but most importantly, I'm working on three (currently) little masterpieces and the home/food/sewing are just tools, tricks of the trade. Thanks so much! I think I'm out of my funk!!

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  27. What a beautiful post, Katy! You are so great with words! xoxo I missed you in blogland,; glad you made an appearance ;-)

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  28. Gorgeous post. I'm late to reading it because life gets in the way - so perhaps it's OK both ways!!

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  29. I do love seeing how much your children grow from year to year. Glad you are fine and enjoying your family. Momma worries about teaching them what they need to know?...always, but we are [did] and it's all ok. HE watches over us!
    Have a great weekend.

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  30. You have me tearing up at my keyboard -- such a great way to put things into perspective for all of us. Your lovely photos help me remember to take MORE of them!!

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  31. Such a beautiful tribute to motherhood and families! And yes, I was worried that hadn't posted but tried not to call you!

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  32. I feel so much in common, I am a mother of three girls who ask myself every night before i go to sleep if i have added enough dots and colors and hope also that they will be able to see them clearly and remember every one when they grow up.
    Thank you for sharing your inspiring thoughts!! You have a friend in Mexico!

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  33. Oh gosh, that is so lovely. I feel a lot like that right now too. My eldest turns 10 in two days and my youngest at 3-and-a-half growing up faster than I can bear (and other times, not fast enough). The dots, the dots! Help! Thank you for making me glad I bought them naughty icecreams today :-) Lump in my throat right now....

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  34. Such a beautiful post! I've been lurking for sometime know enjoying your lovely projects, etc. and guilty of not commenting! Thank you for sharing all your inner thoughts and for the photos of your beautiful family!
    I am a proud mama of two fabulous boys and I am a believer that parenting is the most important and the most difficult job I'll ever do (sometimes this is a good thing and some days it seems like a bad thing - kwim? oh the pressure....) but also the very most rewarding of anything I will ever do/accomplish.
    I totally relate to your post. Thanks for sharing!
    Shanna :)

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  35. Such beautiful girls. I grew up vacationing on Jekyll Island. It has a very special place in this Michigan girl's heart!

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  36. scary, isn't it? the hubs and i have discussed that the oldest is 10--have we done half (or more!) of the work needed to help her become the person (adult) she can be? time is ticking away...so quickly...and she's making the gradual--yet sudden transition to adulthood before my eyes. this weekend she will be baptized. i will cry. she's not my baby. but she is. it's such an adult decision. a life-altering step...sheesh. i should get my own blog. :o)

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