It never ceases to amaze me that a cut of fabric can be turned into something for a complexly curving body. With all the correct applications of tucks and darts, gathers and pleats, you can always make it fit.I love that guarantee. Sometimes it doesn't turn out the way you picture it in your head, but I love that there is always a solution to making a pattern fit.
I wish it was that way with children, I believe the most significant creation. I've heard parents remark, only half-joking, if only there was a manual for how to raise children. Recently Ryan's cousin turned us onto the book "Parenting with Love and Logic".
After I read it, I thought, I. Am. Doing. Everything. Wrong. Okay, maybe not everything, but the method of the authors just makes complete sense. I can see how all the pieces fit together and how making changes will correct what is going wrong.
Ryan and I got it from the library, read it cover to cover, and now need to invest in a copy of our own for a frequent (nightly?!) review. It's all about giving choices and taking emotion out of the equation. It works. I've told all my siblings, friends, and people at church about it because I think everyone should at least flip through it. We all have these expectations for our children, because we know they are capable of doing great things, of challenging themselves and excelling, but how do we help them see that without arguments and disagreement?
I was frustrated one night because I wanted Divine to read a really great book she got for her birthday to use for her Honors English book report and she wanted to read a book that she already read and age appropriate for a 3rd grader. We battled back and forth until I gave her a stern command to just go read her birthday book. Then I read "Parenting with Love and Logic". Oops. I knew I didn't handle it the best way, but I wasn't quite sure what the better way was while still trying to help her do her best until I read it. I went to her in the morning and told her I wanted to share my opinion about the situation and then she was free to make her own choice. I told her if she was confident she would get a good grade and her teacher would be impressed with her report, she should use whichever book she wanted. Guess which book she chose?
I can already see a good pattern developing. We have to continually realign and readjust, and it will take time, but by the time we get to Drummer we'll have perfected the whole thing. ;)
It's work, but it works. And it's worth it.
Just thought I'd share.
Another GREAT book I'd like to recommend: If I Have to Tell You One More Time... by Amy McCready. You're right about parenting - it's a constant shuffling of feet to match the cadence of our ever growing children.ReplyDelete
Thanks, Heather! I will definitely check it out.ReplyDelete
I just wanted to add my recommendation. I've been using it for years. It is still work to remember everything but our house runs a lot smoother when I remember. Good for you!ReplyDelete
Good to hear it works for the long haul, thank you, Mindy!ReplyDelete
Love and Logic is the best!!!! I love empowering children to make choices, it really makes all the difference. I really like that Love and Logic actually works and is easy to do once you get the hang of it. Glad you found it!ReplyDelete
There are many good parenting books out there, but I feel that love and logic is the absolute best! Totally worked wonders on my then-2 year old. In fact, I probably need to re-read it now that my littles are getting a bit older.ReplyDelete
Thanks! Always looking for good parenting books!ReplyDelete
We've loved Love & Logic, too. I bought their book for early childhood when my oldest was four. Earth shattering! In a wonderful way! Sorry no one told you about it earlier. :( And, although it can be really cheesy and is meant for couples (and the cover is awful!) The Five Love Languages by Gary Chapman is worth a perusal as well. It's been helpful both with my husband and with my children.ReplyDelete
The best parenting takes a lot of work, and taking OUR emotional reactions out of the equation really does change the outcome (my kids clam up if I'm angry or frustrated, and they're no longer able to be open because their defenses are raised).ReplyDelete
Yesterday I cried because I kept yelling at my toddlers to make myself heard. All I could think over and over was what a terrible mom I am. Today I read your blog and i will be running out to get the book. I also read today on 100 days of real food blog there will be a free one hour webinar by author Amy Mcready. It's not letting me post the link but google 100 days of real food.ReplyDelete
I would like to think someone is listening to my prayers about learning a better way. I live locally if you ever want to meet up.
I love that book! Thy often do mini workshops across the country, so you might look for one of those as well-very helpful to talk to other parents about what they are goin through!ReplyDelete
We did the classes! Our local school district offers the classes once a year, and we jump on them!! It's an amazing book and concept. How cool is that Ryan's COUSIN wrote the book! Awesome.ReplyDelete
Oh, and for the gal who recommended the Five Love Languages -- EXCELLENT recommendation! There is another one, Five Love Languages of kids!
It's so funny, I just love ya, Katy Dill! =)
We LOVE Amy McCready's teachings! It sounds very similar to Love and Logic. She offers a web course that fundamentally changed our view of parenting. We were exasperated and relying too much on "because I said so," but now we give our kids the power to make their own choices. The shift in our house is palpable. Mutual respect reigns.ReplyDelete
I'll have to check out Parenting with Love and Logic. Thanks for sharing -- We need all the tools we can get!
I totally need to reserve that book. Thanks for the recommendation. Love the pictures too.ReplyDelete
Thank you, I think it may com handy.ReplyDelete
I read Love and Logic a few months ago had exactly the same reaction. I have been trying to parent according to the book and it works great if Ii stick to it. The hardest part for me is to remove my emotions and remain calm and patient. :) Good luck.ReplyDelete
Love and Logic is such a great method for parents, teachers, and people in general.ReplyDelete
i am so glad to read this. my husband and i recently signed up for a love and logic class. hoping we are able to use the tools effectively.ReplyDelete
I really need this reminder. I read it when Owen was young and had all these grand dreams of the wonderful parent I would be when he got older. Then I forgot everything in the book. Sigh. I need to reread it. I like that it's principle based so you can apply it to your unique needs. The version for young children (toddler magic? something...I can't remember) is the one I initially read but it teaches the essentially same principles as all the versions, the full version, the one for teachers, etc. Anyway...thank you for the reminder. The hardest thing for me is to let my children make mistakes, but I've got to!ReplyDelete
I'm yet another raving fan of L&L. We took a class through our church and could honestly use a refresher. But it was such a breath of fresh air. No need to yell? Argue? Maintain a peaceful home while raising kids to be responsible? Sign me up!ReplyDelete
LOVE love the blog Katy- I check for posts daily :)
I'm going to stick out of the crowd and say "meh", not a big fan :)ReplyDelete
The parents and children I have witnessed, who rave about this seem to be implementing a lot of logic... not as much love :) Maybe they're doing it wrong? But it's super annoying. And those kids take 100 times longer to do things and make decisions. And they seem to know how to wield the control over their parents.
I feel like parents who give their decisions THOUGHT will end up being very logical and very loving!
None of you should sell yourselves short and think that you're not good parents without a "method" :)
Courtney Price--I can definitely see that happening, where the "love" portion is left out. Thank you for bringing that up. There has to be a balance, as is with everything, but I think far too many parents control too much of their children's lives and then those children are left to struggle and learn everything on their own that they should have learned while still in the safety of home. I think it's a method similar to God's plan for us. He is always there for us, but we have to ask and check in with Him. He doesn't stand over our heads, beating things into our brain. He lets us mess up and gives us second chances and learn how we learn best. And of course His is the perfect Love.ReplyDelete
I love that you took a picture of the wedding dress cut out! Super Cool!ReplyDelete
I read that book and took the class years ago when my kids were younger, highly recommend it! I will never forget the first time I walked away, calmly from a screaming child, they were dumb founded and followed me to continue the fit and I just kept moving from room to room never acknowledging them, it was so funny. Change takes time but makes it worth it when you see the change in behavior, I think the school should adapt this method. Our church offers classes, you should suggest your church do the same.ReplyDelete
Funny, we just ordered that book this morning! I have friends that have taken the course, and we had a class on it for RS, but I need to read the whole book and try to keep it all in practice :).ReplyDelete
Hi, I just wanted to recommend the site ahaparenting.com .... same sort of principles, standing firm, but with empathy and kindness rather than traditional discipline. Helping our kids deal with their emotions rather than controlling them.... something I have found very challenging, but definately worthwhile.ReplyDelete